I Miss Accountability

Summer at the college is lonely. I have had actual days where I have not seen or spoken to anyone.

Now, part of this is healthy. As Bonhoeffer says, he who cannot be alone should beware of community. Unless I am secure in my solitary relationship with God, I am of no good to the community. But St. Dietrich also says that he who is not in community should beware of being alone. . . and that's where I feel I've been for the last few months.

Since I work in an office building that is largely unoccupied during the summer, away from the busyness of the admin building, I have had a lot of freedom this summer. Freedom to wear what I want (shorts and sandals have been my attire for most of this dreadfully hot summer), freedom to come in when I want (after Regis and Kelly!) and freedom to leave when I want.

Now, I like this freedom -- and I certainly shouldn't complain about it! But the laissez faire attitude has effected my mood and my devotional life as well.

There have been some real spiritual highlights this summer, and none of them have come when I was alone. They have all come when I was in a community -- and when I was held accountable in a community.

Accountability is not always come with direct questions and pointed fingers. Sometimes it's passive, unspoken . . . but nonetheless there. I was late for an ordination service I spoke at -- and it's bothered me since. Not because 10 minutes makes that big of a difference in the scheme of eternity, but because I should have been there on time. The bride at a wedding I performed was 25 minutes late -- do you think she'll repress that anytime soon?

We have expectations of one another. And we should -- because what we're involved in is so important that we can't afford a freedom-bordering-on-apathetic attitude. In a couple of weeks, I get to stand before students and talk about such things as faith, living a life "worthy of the calling we have received" (Eph 4:1), and he beauty of God's bride, the Church. And as valuable as those lectures will be for the students (hopefully!), the expectations of those lectures will have a profound effect on me.

My community returns! They come tired, ready, confused, energetic, and much smarter than I'll ever be. Glory, Hallelujah!